I wish there was a way I could have helped the younger you. People should be required to get a license or something before being allowed to procreate (both men and women). It's horrible how some people treat their kids. But then we would have to figure out WHO gets to decide whether or not someone would make a decent parent. Some mothers get post partum psychosis, though one would hope in those cases the father could handle single parenthood until she is better. I still feel guilty over the mistakes I made as a Mom, but my kids still love me, do I guess I wasn't a total screwup.
That's really ironic that you mention licenses for parents because one of the earlier versions of this I had in my head included quite a long rant about how people should need a licence. I mean, we don't let anyone just drive, or perform brain surgery! Parenthood is like getting in a car with a child in the back, with one parent driving and the other doing brain surgery. If we were to hear a story about an adult who got in a car without knowing how to drive and put a child in the back and there was a horrible crash we would be rightly outraged at the adult and demand that people should have licenses in order to drive. But for some reason people don't feel the same when it comes to parenthood.
Yes, obviously there is the thing about who gets to decide on the licenses but I guess that's just a wider observation on the wrong kind of people being in positions of authority. In a benevolent society it wouldn't be an issue. Also, of course, people who fail the psychological tests the first time will be motivated to learn and self-improve so they can pass the test the next time. So ultimately it is workable, but only in a decent society. Then again, in a decent society there wouldn't be a need for licensing! So it is indeed a strange question to think about, although it does reveal a lot about society as it is and as it should be.
If your kids still love you and they're doing ok then you did fine as a mum. I think this was the point that I was kind of making. I would imagine all parents have somethings they regret doing or saying about their children, but those are just little mistakes which almost correct themselves, and people are emotionally robust about that. But it's the contrast with knowingly treating your children badly that's the revealing thing. If people see that contrast they don't feel so bad. My parents knew perfectly well I was not being treated well (to put it mildly) but did nothing to correct it. That's the difference.
Yes, I would like to have been able to rescue the younger me. But in a way, part of what I am doing now is 'reparenting' myself. That's the best kind of therapy, because it's not possible to change anything that happened. But it has made me a more determined person, so I am capable of taking positives. On the other paw, it would be lovely to have a proper normal childhood and normal family and so on. But what kind of person would I have turned out to be in that case? Questions, questions!
I wish there was a way I could have helped the younger you. People should be required to get a license or something before being allowed to procreate (both men and women). It's horrible how some people treat their kids. But then we would have to figure out WHO gets to decide whether or not someone would make a decent parent. Some mothers get post partum psychosis, though one would hope in those cases the father could handle single parenthood until she is better. I still feel guilty over the mistakes I made as a Mom, but my kids still love me, do I guess I wasn't a total screwup.
That's really ironic that you mention licenses for parents because one of the earlier versions of this I had in my head included quite a long rant about how people should need a licence. I mean, we don't let anyone just drive, or perform brain surgery! Parenthood is like getting in a car with a child in the back, with one parent driving and the other doing brain surgery. If we were to hear a story about an adult who got in a car without knowing how to drive and put a child in the back and there was a horrible crash we would be rightly outraged at the adult and demand that people should have licenses in order to drive. But for some reason people don't feel the same when it comes to parenthood.
Yes, obviously there is the thing about who gets to decide on the licenses but I guess that's just a wider observation on the wrong kind of people being in positions of authority. In a benevolent society it wouldn't be an issue. Also, of course, people who fail the psychological tests the first time will be motivated to learn and self-improve so they can pass the test the next time. So ultimately it is workable, but only in a decent society. Then again, in a decent society there wouldn't be a need for licensing! So it is indeed a strange question to think about, although it does reveal a lot about society as it is and as it should be.
If your kids still love you and they're doing ok then you did fine as a mum. I think this was the point that I was kind of making. I would imagine all parents have somethings they regret doing or saying about their children, but those are just little mistakes which almost correct themselves, and people are emotionally robust about that. But it's the contrast with knowingly treating your children badly that's the revealing thing. If people see that contrast they don't feel so bad. My parents knew perfectly well I was not being treated well (to put it mildly) but did nothing to correct it. That's the difference.
Yes, I would like to have been able to rescue the younger me. But in a way, part of what I am doing now is 'reparenting' myself. That's the best kind of therapy, because it's not possible to change anything that happened. But it has made me a more determined person, so I am capable of taking positives. On the other paw, it would be lovely to have a proper normal childhood and normal family and so on. But what kind of person would I have turned out to be in that case? Questions, questions!
Our past experiences help form our future - our can, at least, if we can learn from them.