If you’ve only just joined us (it’s a pleasure to welcome you - hi!), you may wish to begin at the beginning. And you can also read my intro here. To catch up on the previous episode, click here.
The painting, by the way, is Joan of Arc Hearing the Voices, by Luc Olivier Merson (1895). Just for the pop culture reference, you know…
Katrina was met with no challenge, no obstacle, when she entered the church.
She ripped off the mask and took as deep a breath as she could. Terfel-Black Syndrome.
The air in this sanctuary was cool and fresh and clean. As if the Goddess had thrown a shroud.
Katrina closed her eyes and touched the fingers of her left hand, the receptive side, into the font. Closed eyes and communion.
You are welcome here.
Maybe the priest sensed it. Maybe, somewhere deep inside he knew her. He never saw her again, but he never forgot.
“Vous avez un sanctuaire à la Déesse?”
He didn’t understand at first.
“La Sainte Vierge. Un sanctuaire?”
“Oui. Oui. Je m’excuse.”
He showed her. There was something about her. Something commanding. Something in her eyes, perhaps. He returned the smile, sympathetic and faithful.
Katrina kneels before the little statuette, iconic, some beautiful otherworldly version of the Black Madonna, inhales deeply and closes her eyes and kisses in her mind’s eye.
“I need to know why I’m here.”
“You already know. This is a dystopia. This is the world in which you never happened.”
And she remembered. And she cried.
“I promised, didn’t I?”
Beat.
“I did questionable things. I had to. To defeat evil. And I told you I would do my penance, if you would help me save those people.”
“Twice.”
“So this is my third time? I forgot to ask, didn’t I? When Nicci died. I forgot to ask.”
“You will see her again.”
And Katrina cried.
And there was no answer. But she knew.
“Please look after my family. Keep them safe.”
“Always. They will be waiting for you.”
“I will do my penance. I will. But I can’t do it without you with me. I don’t belong here.”
“I will always be with you. You only need to think ahead. Just as always. Always think ahead. Consequences.”
And so Katrina looks down and stares and allows the thoughts to come to her. And the Goddess watches. The Goddess who loves her.
It didn’t take long.
“They don’t know anything about me.”
“True.”
“I can’t tell them, can I? I mean not everything? They’ll never leave me alone.”
“You will not be able to do your penance.”
“Why Paris?”
Smiles. “This is the correct question.”
Katrina runs through options in her head. The Goddess does not interrupt her meditations.
“There’s no point in me smuggling myself back into Britannia, is there? Maybe going to see Sarah Bishop. Join the Sleepers. But even if I can convince her, I’ll have no background. I won’t be able to do anything or make a difference living under the radar. I won’t be able to have another life. And that’s not your intention for me, is it?”
Negative suggestion.
Katrina sighs. “I can’t pass by on the other side, you’ve always known that. It would be a sin. I’d never be able to live with myself.”
Beat.
“Then the only way is to throw myself on the mercy of the Embassy. Get citizenship and a ticket home. Turn my life into a story again, for public consumption. Win the crowd. I’m sure my talents can sort the rest out.”
The Goddess smiles.
“I’ll need something to offer them.”
Beat.
“I can’t give them PORTMAN. Not without an immunity for Sarah. Even if she doesn’t exist in this world they’ll want to know where I got the information. They won’t believe me when I say this isn’t my world. They’ll torture me. They’ll never leave me alone.”
Affirmative emotion.
“I suppose my talents could be useful for British prestige. And the economy. Soft power.”
“Why Paris?”
Katrina opens her eyes again and gazes seriously at the statuette. “There’s someone there who is important, isn’t there? Someone who will help me?”
“Someone bound up with your fate, is what you are suggesting.”
And Katrina smiled.
Why Paris.
Her French tart was there on her return. She sat herself down softly and before tucking in decided to apologise, again.
“I am sorry for my outburst, Tom. Please forgive me. Whether I am from a parallel world or not as far as my brain is concerned I am and it’s real. So I am living through a very stressful event.”
Tom tried his best sympathetic smile. She’d clearly calmed down and spoke in measured, almost slow tones. He had a fleeting sense he was speaking to a different person. Or some magic spell had happened. “I can understand that, sure. No need to apologise.”
“Yes, there is.” She looked him straight in the eyes and suddenly seemed younger again. “It’s not fair on you, especially since you’ve been so kind. And I’m sure I’ll be able to calm down once I get used to all this, and start reconciling myself to this situation.”
“I have noticed you’re quite good at calming yourself down.”
“Yeah, well, I learned a lot of coping mechanisms. I had mental health issues when I was a teenager. Mainly due to fancying my best friend and being too scared to tell her.”
“Ah. Because of your sexuality, you mean?”
“Quite. This was back in the eighties and there was a lot of prejudice going around.”
“So was this your friend, Kirsten I think you said?”
“No, not her. My friend Nicci. Then she died.”
“I’m sorry,” was all Tom could think of saying. He wisely decided not to press the issue. He’d already come to understand that she was the sort of person who volunteered information, but only on her own terms and in her own time. He decided patience would be the virtuous tactic in this case.
“Miam miam.” Katrina tucked into her tart. She didn’t drink anymore. Tom also noticed, with curiosity, that she wasn’t drunk in the slightest.
There was a not uncomfortable silence whilst they ate. She allowed him to study her and try and think of what to say next. That part of the hypnotic spell was over.
“Blossoms,” Tom suddenly exclaimed.
That startled her. “You what?”
“Blossoms. The last record I bought.”
Katrina beamed widely. “Oh! Now you, Thomas,” she waved her cake fork at him, “have just gone right up in my esteem!”
“You like Blossoms then?”
“Obviously. They’re a great band. They also happen to be signed to my label.”
Tom giggled. “Not in this world, though. Obviously.”
“That goes without saying, Thomas. But it’s interesting, though, isn’t it? All these similarities? Points of convergence. Our two universes must be closer than I thought. Which probably explains a lot. Metaphysically, I mean.”
Tom laughed again. “I’m possibly the last person qualified to discuss metaphysics with you.”
“Rubbish! You just need to be provoked into it.”
She smiled and polished off the crumbs, then daintily wiped her lips. She could do etiquette when she felt like it. She leaned back and sighed.
“To resume,” she continued, “all I need right now is to feel secure. Then I won’t have any outbursts. It’s a defensive reaction, you understand?”
Tom nodded. He felt emotionally drained. Any relief was more than welcome at this stage.
“So it’s in your interests too. And remind me to apologise to the security men and the receptionist when we get back.”
“Sure.”
“So then. What I need is simple. Just enough to start my new life here and take whatever fate the Goddess has in mind for me. So that’s citizenship, ticket home, and enough to not be destitute. I’m a very talented person so that’s all I’ll need. If it helps to sway the decision in my favour, those talents could bring in a lot of income for the economy and cultural prestige for the country. Sporting success too. Soft power. Not that I’d be happy for a Tory Regime to bask in my reflected glory, but I don’t have to acknowledge them, do I?”
“Sporting success?”
“Yes. I was a very good swimmer and athlete when I was younger. And given that I’m younger again, I might as well see how I get on with that. Obviously the standard will be a lot higher than it was, what with advances in sports science and all that, but I adore it. It makes me happy. It’s because of my syndrome, by the way.”
“Erm?” He’d forgotten.
“Terfel-Black Syndrome. My inherited condition. Lung deformity. During my adult years it means my lungs process oxygen more efficiently. Essentially it’s just increased erythropoiesis. Which almost got me in trouble to be honest, ‘cos some people thought I was cheating. I ended up giving voluntary doping samples all the time. Anyway, without my syndrome I’d just be at competent club level. With it, I can compete at the highest level. And clearly, given that I’m young again, that’s one thing the Goddess has in mind for me. She clearly wants me to start again from the beginning and win the crowd. That’s why I’m 31 years younger.”
“You really think this has all been pre-ordained for you, then? By your, erm, Goddess?”
“Pretty much, yes. And don’t give me that sceptical look. I still have free will, of course. Everybody does. My fate will be determined by my choice of actions. Plus the things I blurt out in public, no doubt. That always gets me in trouble. But from her point of view, she can predict what choices I make and what the consequences of that will be. So, she just needs to, I don’t know, plonk me in the appropriate place and watch events unfold in their inevitable way. We may be determined by our character but that’s just logically obvious and it doesn’t imply predetermination. The greater your ability to predict outcomes the more free will appears to be an illusion. But it’s not an illusion.”
Tom blinked. “You’re getting metaphysical again.”
She laughed. “Sorry. I’ll get over it. No worries.” She took a gulp of water. “Anyway. With that in mind, Tom, it would be nice if I had access to some sports facilities whilst I’m here.”
“I wouldn’t have thought that would be a problem in Paris.”
“True, but I have no money, remember. I don’t even have a change of clothes. No toiletries, underwear, nightwear, let alone a place to sleep, and my period will be coming on soon. Sorry, you’re a bloke. You don’t want to hear about messy stuff, eh?”
Tom laughed. “Erm, well. I’m sure we can help you out with all that. The Consulate has established protocols for situations like this.”
“This sort of thing happen regularly, then? Mad girls from parallel worlds turning up?”
“British citizens who’ve lost their passports and money and so on. It happens a lot more than you might think. Especially on European matchdays.”
Katrina chuckled. “Ah.”
“So,” Tom smiled, “we have arrangements with some of the hotels.”
“The grotty ones, I assume?”
He laughed. “Three stars. So not too grotty. Or were you expecting a penthouse suite at the Hilton?”
“Believe it or not that was the kind of place I’d be expected to stay in my world.”
“Successful record label, then?”
“Sure. But I reinvented myself as an actress after I -” She stopped herself. Sleight of hand to correct that mistake. “My company branched out into movies and so on. Don’t ask me how rich I am or you’ll definitely think I’m a fantasist.”
“How rich?”
“I told you not to ask.”
But both of them were grinning.
“And yes, the irony of the fact that I have suddenly gone from rich to destitute has not been lost on me. Then again, it’ll be exciting to start over. It’ll be a challenge.”
“You think one million would be enough for all this, then?”
“That bad, is it? Your inflationary economic system, I mean?”
Tom burst out laughing. “It’s more than my job’s worth to answer that one.”
“Very wise. Anyway, yeah, the million will be necessary. I did have help in my world from my Scorpio boyfriend, Nathaniel. Especially with the business consultancy stuff. Which is what I’ll need in this world, and consultants don’t come cheap. Remember I’m not familiar with your business legislation so I’ll have to learn that all over. Also, as you probably know, all the best professional business consultants are former intelligence officers, so I’m hoping you can, well, recommend someone.”
Tom raised his eyebrows. “Really? I was actually not aware of that.”
“Well, you haven’t been in the Service long enough, maybe. But take it from me, it’s true.”
“I guess you learn something new every day.”
“Hopefully, Thomas.” She waggled her finger at him again, “Hopefully…”