Another one of my impromptus, you know, after a generous glass of Bordeaux.
It morphed into American.
And the evil that men do will, I don’t know, will it die with Caesar, or will it live on?
It doesn’t get forgotten, in the afterlife.
No, it doesn’t.
And so let it be with Caesar.
And anyone else who thinks they can hurt anyone else.
For that matter.
For in the end, well, that’s what matters, methinks.
And I seriously, no, I seriously doubt that this lady protests too much.
Oh no.
Absolutely no.
I never protest too much…
…And now they live like dolphins…
I forgot what I wanted to say.
At the last. I forgot what I wanted.
All those skeletons. Waiting their turn.
I forgot what I wanted to say.
I had it all worked out. I was all messed up. I was fucked up with the weight of the world and so fucked up in my own self that well, you know, that was what I was gonna say…
At the last, I forgot the reason why.
Why I turned my self into such a piece of shit that I never thought I would ever need to care if they thought I was a piece of shit, you know.
That view is beautiful. Top of the mountain. Reds and ochres and all those other colours they told you about when you were studying the natives who loved this land for a thousand years before you ever thought about coming over here and, well, you know, stealing.
I forgot what I wanted to say. It all comes on so quick, you know.
This life o’ mine.
So quick.
Never had time t’ think.
Never had time to jus’ weigh up the pros and the cons and think, jus’ fer a mo tha’, well, maybe, ya know, maybe this fuckin’ wit all them beautiful people it’s…
Guess I’m gonna have to repeat that sheet one more time. One mo time in the reincarnation.
‘til I gets the message, you know.
Agin and agin and agin.
‘cos thing is. I seriously, I don’t fuckin’, god damn damn, don’t god damn remember.
It’s all receding now. All them memories. That fondness I felt fer ma own daughter. Ma own son. ‘cept I don’t member how many o’ them I ever had.
I don’ member.
I see these veesons but ah don’ member. And it hurts, ya know. Not ta member.
Ma lang, was’ tha’? lang. gidge? Thing? I don’ member.
Member?
Ah was a bad guy. Ah took some others’ larvae. Summat like tha’. Summat.
‘cept ah don’ member.
‘cept ah mis ya. I member them sunsets. Kinda gold, and red, and yella, and fiery orange and purple some o’ the time and it wa’ so godamn beautiful tha’ I couldn’a think o’ nothin’ else ya know. Them mountains in tha distance and the prairies an’ the silence. Yeah, tha’ was it. Them silences aft’a sun wen’ down an’…
Am I the bad guy?
Ah don’ member. Is kinda, ya know, slippin’ way. I was sure ah had some life, ya know. Ah got’s this fleetin’ feelin’ tha’ ah had some wife, and some kids, and some beautiful piece o’ land tha’ – hol’ on – tha’ land was stolen from some folks, won’t it?
Is’ tha’ wha I’m here? I mean, in this dead valley? Is this where ah’m a gonna spend the res’ o’ ma eternity?
Are you not gonna gimme a chance ta make amends?
Not jus’ one lil’ chance?
Am I the bad guy?
Am I?
‘Cept I’m an American!
How the god damn hell can I ever be the bad guy?
In this life, nor the next…?
Ahm a goddamn fuck shit American!
Ya hear me! Hades! Ah’m a goddamn American!
Ah demand special treatment!
Hey!
You listenin’ to me!
Hey!